Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
