yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
did i just pee glitter
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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