how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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