you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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