U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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