in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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