I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
