So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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