and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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