Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
