I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
