please come you make the beer taste better
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
