help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
