Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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