OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
