I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
