twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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