It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
