"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
