He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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