he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I forget how to act sober
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
