Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
