i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
