Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
