this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
