VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
