Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
