One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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