my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
