Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
3pm strippers are depressing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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