I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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