Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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