Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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