Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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