so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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