Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We need to rekindle our bromance
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
