my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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