So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
