People in love make me want to vomit
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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