If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
