I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
