I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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