He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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