I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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