If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
