so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
