Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
