i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
