Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
