so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
