Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
