I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My cat gives me a boner
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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