We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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