the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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